Monday, February 1st. The first day of the second semester.
The lines.
The rush.
The people.
The phones.
Friday, January 29, 2010
It's that time of the year again
"Hi. I'm planning on bringing my car here for second semester, and I need a permit."
"Do you live in the dorms or do you commute?"
"I live in the dorms."
"We have a waiting list of more than 60 people, and it's growing."
What I would like to add but don't: "We can certainly offer you a sense of false hope by adding you onto the list. Would you like us to do that?"
"Yes."
"Alright. Let me get your name and a cell phone number and you will be all set."
What I would like to add but don't: "Honestly, this is a waste of time. Sixty people are not going to suddenly give up their permits. But if it makes you feel better, then let's do it."
"Do you live in the dorms or do you commute?"
"I live in the dorms."
"We have a waiting list of more than 60 people, and it's growing."
What I would like to add but don't: "We can certainly offer you a sense of false hope by adding you onto the list. Would you like us to do that?"
"Yes."
"Alright. Let me get your name and a cell phone number and you will be all set."
What I would like to add but don't: "Honestly, this is a waste of time. Sixty people are not going to suddenly give up their permits. But if it makes you feel better, then let's do it."
More forged permits
The five day permit card that was laminated. Then the customer could reuse it over and over again by wiping off the marker marks. They could not understand why they got a citation for fradulent use of a permit.
More Love Notes
Examples:
Smiley faces
BS (yes, we got the actual word) tickets
Checks made out to 'City of (blank city where we live)'
Smiley faces
BS (yes, we got the actual word) tickets
Checks made out to 'City of (blank city where we live)'
Rolling Cars
When you leave your car in neutral and park it on a slightly uphill ground, you can expect it to move. You can expect it to roll. And you can expect it to hit other cars and be a safety hazard.
Never a dull moment.
Never a dull moment.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
When Mailing Your Payment for a Citation, We Advise you to...
1) Sign the check.
2) Include the citation.
3) Include a return address.
4) And don't send cash.
2) Include the citation.
3) Include a return address.
4) And don't send cash.
The Event of the Day
“Can you read the instructions on the back of the permit application card?”
“Sure.”
Starts reading them out loud.
Student worker stares. “No, you don’t have to read them out loud. I mean you can if you want to, but you don’t have to.”
“Oh.”
“Sure.”
Starts reading them out loud.
Student worker stares. “No, you don’t have to read them out loud. I mean you can if you want to, but you don’t have to.”
“Oh.”
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
A parking appeal
It was my understanding that parking is free during the winter vacation.
It is our understanding that it's not.
It is our understanding that it's not.
An Update on Previously Mentioned Forged Permit
The department paid the fee.
Hey, while you're at it, do you mind paying our permit fees for next year too?
Hey, while you're at it, do you mind paying our permit fees for next year too?
Wednesday
Today was an extremely interesting day.
Let’s start by looking at the mail. One customer mailed in a ticket payment and a note saying “Guest parking would be nice.”
But you’re missing the point here. We already have guest parking. You just need to pay for it.
Another person mailed in $15 for a citation valued at $14.
I don’t get this.
Why would you do this? You used a check to make the payment, so it’s not like you don’t have enough change or something like that.
This just reminds me of the people who believe that a $5 late fee added to the $14 ticket comes up to $21. I know where you get the number from. Seven times three is twenty-one. But aren’t you just wasting cash?
Stated by someone making a payment for receiving tickets:
“Guess I’m paying someone’s tuition money.”
Okay, I could be a real smart aleck and tell you exactly where your money is going. But I don’t want to say it, you don’t want to hear it, so let’s just not mention it.
And I saved the best for the last.
In addition to the main office, a tiny information booth is located in one of the most popular parking lots. Students can purchase either a day permit or an overnight permit from this place.
So, now to the main story.
We received a warning call from the booth saying that an extremely upset customer was on their way.
So they came up to the counter.
Noticing the ticket on their hand, I state: "Well, you did come to the right place."
"No," waving ticket around. "This is not right. I came to drop something off for my daughter. I was parked for 10 minutes, and I got this!"
I would categorize their behavior as being initially explosive. Then they calm down into being apologetic for the caustic nature.
After sparring with manager for five minutes, they depart.
Not the most entertaining customer we've had, but definitely brightened up an otherise dull day.
Let’s start by looking at the mail. One customer mailed in a ticket payment and a note saying “Guest parking would be nice.”
But you’re missing the point here. We already have guest parking. You just need to pay for it.
Another person mailed in $15 for a citation valued at $14.
I don’t get this.
Why would you do this? You used a check to make the payment, so it’s not like you don’t have enough change or something like that.
This just reminds me of the people who believe that a $5 late fee added to the $14 ticket comes up to $21. I know where you get the number from. Seven times three is twenty-one. But aren’t you just wasting cash?
Stated by someone making a payment for receiving tickets:
“Guess I’m paying someone’s tuition money.”
Okay, I could be a real smart aleck and tell you exactly where your money is going. But I don’t want to say it, you don’t want to hear it, so let’s just not mention it.
And I saved the best for the last.
In addition to the main office, a tiny information booth is located in one of the most popular parking lots. Students can purchase either a day permit or an overnight permit from this place.
So, now to the main story.
We received a warning call from the booth saying that an extremely upset customer was on their way.
So they came up to the counter.
Noticing the ticket on their hand, I state: "Well, you did come to the right place."
"No," waving ticket around. "This is not right. I came to drop something off for my daughter. I was parked for 10 minutes, and I got this!"
I would categorize their behavior as being initially explosive. Then they calm down into being apologetic for the caustic nature.
After sparring with manager for five minutes, they depart.
Not the most entertaining customer we've had, but definitely brightened up an otherise dull day.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Forging a Permit
Ah, we come to one of my favorite topics. This is what happens when someones decides to go around (or cheat) the system.
Does it work?
Not really.
A customer can buy either a year-round, sticker-based permit or a temporary, paper-based permit.I know I mentioned this before, but I'd like to give the unfamiliar blog-reader a little foundation for the topic.
Examples of sticker-based permits which are used illegally:
A random student will approach a car displaying a sticker permit. Using a digital camera, they will take a photograph of the permit. The picture will be printed, cut out, and pasted onto their car.
Why this doesn't work:
The sticker permit has a certain shine to it. The paper one doesn't.
The photograph will capture any shadows caused by the light, and we will catch it.
A student made a perfect reproduction of their parent's permit by using a scanner and printing it on special paper. The officers would have never caught this, except they noticed that this student (with their staff permit) always parked in a student lot.
Examples of paper-based permits used illegally:
Now, this is more common. When a paper-based permit is issued from our office, we write the date that the permit is valid for (or till) with a black marker. Students are fond of fudging the numbers around a little. Make the six an eight. Make the one a seven or a nine. Draw in real think lines to make it blend in. Now, this, this will always make us suspicious. But it's real easy and can be accomplished with just a simple marker stroke. Not pretty and quite obvious.
The officers are pretty efficient at finding a permit that just doesn't match up. Or else they could radio the office (yes, radio, sounds very official doesn't it?) and double check the validity of a permit.
The officers will photograph the fake permit and use it as evidence to back up the ticket. And the ticket, gee, the ticket is well over a hundred dollars.
Instead of taking the hard way around, won't it be easier to buy a permit for the day? We only charge you a couple of bucks for it. And, just to save two dollars, you end up saddled with a hundred dollar fine. It's pointless.
I made this entry for a reason. Today, I just found the photograph of a permit that had been illegally altered. The person hadn't even bothered to cover it up. They simply crossed off the old numbers and wrote in new ones. They even changed the year (which is stamped on the permit with read ink) by altering it with the black marker. Red on black or black on red...kind of stands out, doesn't it?
The permit was screaming. And it was screaming, "Ticket me! Ticket me!" Yes, we did.
The permit belonged to an employee.
The employee's boss called the office to see if anything could be done regarding the ticket. Or if the ticket could be gently nudged out of the way since it was such a heavy fine! The employee was only trying to save paper by altering the permit. See, if the old permit is changed, then you guys won't need to make out a new one. You'll save a permit, you'll save paper, and we'll all save a tree.
Aw. That's such a heart-warming thought. In fact, let's all hold hands and dance around a camp fire.
...but I find this a tad untruthful. I mean, don't you really mean save money?
And either way, their actions did make some poor tree suffer. We printed the citation on a piece of paper, and we used an envelope (also made of paper) to safe-guard this citation. Then, we had to take a picture of the parking violation and print that out. In the process, I think we ended up killing more trees, not saving them.
So, if anyone else decides to forge a permit in the future, please show some more creativity. We appreciate it if you take some time to make it look like you made an effort. This last one was a complete insult.
Does it work?
Not really.
A customer can buy either a year-round, sticker-based permit or a temporary, paper-based permit.I know I mentioned this before, but I'd like to give the unfamiliar blog-reader a little foundation for the topic.
Examples of sticker-based permits which are used illegally:
A random student will approach a car displaying a sticker permit. Using a digital camera, they will take a photograph of the permit. The picture will be printed, cut out, and pasted onto their car.
Why this doesn't work:
The sticker permit has a certain shine to it. The paper one doesn't.
The photograph will capture any shadows caused by the light, and we will catch it.
A student made a perfect reproduction of their parent's permit by using a scanner and printing it on special paper. The officers would have never caught this, except they noticed that this student (with their staff permit) always parked in a student lot.
Examples of paper-based permits used illegally:
Now, this is more common. When a paper-based permit is issued from our office, we write the date that the permit is valid for (or till) with a black marker. Students are fond of fudging the numbers around a little. Make the six an eight. Make the one a seven or a nine. Draw in real think lines to make it blend in. Now, this, this will always make us suspicious. But it's real easy and can be accomplished with just a simple marker stroke. Not pretty and quite obvious.
The officers are pretty efficient at finding a permit that just doesn't match up. Or else they could radio the office (yes, radio, sounds very official doesn't it?) and double check the validity of a permit.
The officers will photograph the fake permit and use it as evidence to back up the ticket. And the ticket, gee, the ticket is well over a hundred dollars.
Instead of taking the hard way around, won't it be easier to buy a permit for the day? We only charge you a couple of bucks for it. And, just to save two dollars, you end up saddled with a hundred dollar fine. It's pointless.
I made this entry for a reason. Today, I just found the photograph of a permit that had been illegally altered. The person hadn't even bothered to cover it up. They simply crossed off the old numbers and wrote in new ones. They even changed the year (which is stamped on the permit with read ink) by altering it with the black marker. Red on black or black on red...kind of stands out, doesn't it?
The permit was screaming. And it was screaming, "Ticket me! Ticket me!" Yes, we did.
The permit belonged to an employee.
The employee's boss called the office to see if anything could be done regarding the ticket. Or if the ticket could be gently nudged out of the way since it was such a heavy fine! The employee was only trying to save paper by altering the permit. See, if the old permit is changed, then you guys won't need to make out a new one. You'll save a permit, you'll save paper, and we'll all save a tree.
Aw. That's such a heart-warming thought. In fact, let's all hold hands and dance around a camp fire.
...but I find this a tad untruthful. I mean, don't you really mean save money?
And either way, their actions did make some poor tree suffer. We printed the citation on a piece of paper, and we used an envelope (also made of paper) to safe-guard this citation. Then, we had to take a picture of the parking violation and print that out. In the process, I think we ended up killing more trees, not saving them.
So, if anyone else decides to forge a permit in the future, please show some more creativity. We appreciate it if you take some time to make it look like you made an effort. This last one was a complete insult.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Psychic Powers
We recently received a wad of cash in the mail.
There was no accompanying citation.
There was no return address.
There was no information whatsoever.
We could not process the payment.
Do you expect us to be psychic?
Do you expect us to close our eyes, touch an envelope, and claim your personal details?
The wad of cash sits in the office safe, untouched. It has been a month, and no one has claimed it.
There was no accompanying citation.
There was no return address.
There was no information whatsoever.
We could not process the payment.
Do you expect us to be psychic?
Do you expect us to close our eyes, touch an envelope, and claim your personal details?
The wad of cash sits in the office safe, untouched. It has been a month, and no one has claimed it.
G as in garbage
The previous owner of a vehicle called our office today. He began complaining about a letter he had received concerning this vehicle. Since he was no longer the owner of this vehicle, why do these letters keep arriving at his place?
"Can you spell the last name of the new owner?"
"Yes. G as in garbage - "
G as in garbage?
Gee, that must have been a sour transaction, eh?
"Can you spell the last name of the new owner?"
"Yes. G as in garbage - "
G as in garbage?
Gee, that must have been a sour transaction, eh?
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
In order to keep yourself from losing a movable permit...
Chain it to your steering wheel. No, really.
Monday, January 11, 2010
I pay to use the gym. Why should I pay for parking too?
Let's assume there is free parking in that one lot by the gym.
Here's what will happen.
Students and employees will arrive on campus at 4 in the morning - just so they can park in that one free lot.
But so what? Two hours of sleep is worth the cost of the permit, right?
And once they park there, they will not move until the work day ends.
As a result,
1) You will lose close parking by the gym
2) Everyone who got up at 4 in the morning will be less productive
But it will be amusing, right? It'll be like that Toyota commercial where the deals are so great that everyone scrambles over to claim some vehicle. And, at the end, there's that one guy who raises his hand and says. "Uh...I didn't get one."
"Don't worry, we got more in the back."
We don't.
I'm going to make a cliched statement. But if I had a penny (and I mean a penny) for every phone call that I got talking about this, I'd be rich.
And the reason I'm being grumpy is because I got a phone call like this today. Today. In the middle of winter vacation.
Here's what will happen.
Students and employees will arrive on campus at 4 in the morning - just so they can park in that one free lot.
But so what? Two hours of sleep is worth the cost of the permit, right?
And once they park there, they will not move until the work day ends.
As a result,
1) You will lose close parking by the gym
2) Everyone who got up at 4 in the morning will be less productive
But it will be amusing, right? It'll be like that Toyota commercial where the deals are so great that everyone scrambles over to claim some vehicle. And, at the end, there's that one guy who raises his hand and says. "Uh...I didn't get one."
"Don't worry, we got more in the back."
We don't.
I'm going to make a cliched statement. But if I had a penny (and I mean a penny) for every phone call that I got talking about this, I'd be rich.
And the reason I'm being grumpy is because I got a phone call like this today. Today. In the middle of winter vacation.
But I didn't see the parking sign...
How can you not see it? It's neon pink, there are flashing lights all around it, and we just hired a bunch of leprechauns to do the French cancan on top of it. Honestly though, if aesthetics were not a serious question, the university should really consider this.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
This was written on a permit application card:
"I am hard of hearing. Because of this I would require a closer parking lot."
This was a freshman resident student.
Should you really be driving? If I blare my horn, will you hear it? I mean you might be considered a safety hazard on the road. I certainly don't want to be driving around you.
On the other hand, until you produce a statement from your doctor, we don't believe you.
This was a freshman resident student.
Should you really be driving? If I blare my horn, will you hear it? I mean you might be considered a safety hazard on the road. I certainly don't want to be driving around you.
On the other hand, until you produce a statement from your doctor, we don't believe you.
Statements which have occurred
"Nazis"
"Fascist Regime"
"Thugs"
"Here, take the money. You need it."
No, we certainly don't. We are one of the few profit-earning places on campus. But, yes, we'll take it.
"All you guys care about is money."
Alright, alright, we admit it. You caught us red-handed.
"Parking is over-priced."
You think so? Care to sit around for a few minutes while I try to explain why it's not.
"Why is parking so expensive around here?"
Have you compared us to some of the other universities in this state? No. Do your background research first.
"This is unfair."
I know. Would you like a hug and kiss too?
"This whole thing is stupid. They should let people park for free."
Okay. We'll also give you a snow plow. From here on, you and your plow are responsible for clearing snow from every university lot during the winter.
"Fascist Regime"
"Thugs"
"Here, take the money. You need it."
No, we certainly don't. We are one of the few profit-earning places on campus. But, yes, we'll take it.
"All you guys care about is money."
Alright, alright, we admit it. You caught us red-handed.
"Parking is over-priced."
You think so? Care to sit around for a few minutes while I try to explain why it's not.
"Why is parking so expensive around here?"
Have you compared us to some of the other universities in this state? No. Do your background research first.
"This is unfair."
I know. Would you like a hug and kiss too?
"This whole thing is stupid. They should let people park for free."
Okay. We'll also give you a snow plow. From here on, you and your plow are responsible for clearing snow from every university lot during the winter.
If Citations are Left Unpaid
If you are a student, we are kind.
We tack on a late fee and add it onto your tuition bill.
If you are not a student, we will be unkind.
We tack on a late fee and start to wait. We wait some more, add on some more fees, and finally suspend your vehicle registration.
Possible scenario:
You are driving around.
A POLICE OFFICER pulls you over for driving around with suspended plates.
Oh, they were suspended? you question.
Yeah, because you didn't pay your parking tickets at quaint university.
You are awarded with an even bigger fine.
The end.
The moral of this story: Don't ignore your parking tickets. Pay them.
We tack on a late fee and add it onto your tuition bill.
If you are not a student, we will be unkind.
We tack on a late fee and start to wait. We wait some more, add on some more fees, and finally suspend your vehicle registration.
Possible scenario:
You are driving around.
A POLICE OFFICER pulls you over for driving around with suspended plates.
Oh, they were suspended? you question.
Yeah, because you didn't pay your parking tickets at quaint university.
You are awarded with an even bigger fine.
The end.
The moral of this story: Don't ignore your parking tickets. Pay them.
Cat Excrement
In order to show their displeasure, some idiot decided to mail cat litter in an envelope. We did not find it amusing. The idiot included their return address and complaints were made to the postal department (as in USPS).
Regarding Appeals
A quarter is taped onto the citation of an overtime meter.
The accompanying note says:
"I am 56 years old. If I could've climbed onto that snow bank and plugged the meter, I would have done so. Here's 25 cents for the time I was there."
The note was submitted as an appeal. The appeal was granted.
On the day that a famous sports figure (very dear to our state) retired from said sport.
The appeal says:
"I'm very depressed by their retirement. I can't bear to take any more bad news. Considering that, please void this ticket."
The appeal was denied.
The famous sports figure has now come out of retirement and has joined a rival team. Not just any rival team, a team that this state absolutely loathes.
Hopefully, the depressed customer is not feeling suicidal.
Quotes
"The parking permit was standing up on my window."
This bugs me. Because it can't be true, not unless the laws of physics somehow reversed themselves.
Better:
"The parking permit was displayed on my window."
"I was only there was (blank) minutes.
We know. But it doesn't matter. When your vehicle is left unattended - even if it's just for a second, it is parked. And you cannot park on campus grounds without a permit.
The Parking Services department is made up of (whatever word you prefer).
We know. Someone already beat you to the punch.
Gotta-go-gotta-go-gotta-go-right-now
Well, yeah, I see your point. You can't exactly go in the car, can you?
Doctors' handwriting, long, rambling sentences as writers vent off their spleen, total confusion because we have no idea what you are talking about etc etc etc etc
The accompanying note says:
"I am 56 years old. If I could've climbed onto that snow bank and plugged the meter, I would have done so. Here's 25 cents for the time I was there."
The note was submitted as an appeal. The appeal was granted.
On the day that a famous sports figure (very dear to our state) retired from said sport.
The appeal says:
"I'm very depressed by their retirement. I can't bear to take any more bad news. Considering that, please void this ticket."
The appeal was denied.
The famous sports figure has now come out of retirement and has joined a rival team. Not just any rival team, a team that this state absolutely loathes.
Hopefully, the depressed customer is not feeling suicidal.
Quotes
"The parking permit was standing up on my window."
This bugs me. Because it can't be true, not unless the laws of physics somehow reversed themselves.
Better:
"The parking permit was displayed on my window."
"I was only there was (blank) minutes.
We know. But it doesn't matter. When your vehicle is left unattended - even if it's just for a second, it is parked. And you cannot park on campus grounds without a permit.
The Parking Services department is made up of (whatever word you prefer).
We know. Someone already beat you to the punch.
Gotta-go-gotta-go-gotta-go-right-now
Well, yeah, I see your point. You can't exactly go in the car, can you?
Doctors' handwriting, long, rambling sentences as writers vent off their spleen, total confusion because we have no idea what you are talking about etc etc etc etc
Parking Appeals
If a customer feels that a parking ticket has been unfairly issued or if they have a good reason for contesting the ticket, they may do so by appealing.
An appeal is due within 72 business hours of the initial citation. If it is late, a reason needs to be included. If an appeal is late, the appeals committee may disregard it completely, even if a reason is included.
Employees at the office are not allowed to serve in the Appeals Committee.
Three appeals are allowed. The first two are written and third is face-to-face.
A letter containing the decision will be mailed to your address. Till then, the appeal will be put on a hold.
An appeal is due within 72 business hours of the initial citation. If it is late, a reason needs to be included. If an appeal is late, the appeals committee may disregard it completely, even if a reason is included.
Employees at the office are not allowed to serve in the Appeals Committee.
Three appeals are allowed. The first two are written and third is face-to-face.
A letter containing the decision will be mailed to your address. Till then, the appeal will be put on a hold.
Types of Customers (sort of continued from previous post)
The Big Sigh
You approach the counter and heave a big sigh. Let the student assistant know you disagree with the citation. Let everyone in the office know you are paying it unwillingly. Let the whole world know how much you hate this place.
I have grown immune to the big sigh.
You will need to come up with a bigger sigh.
The Ticket Flinger
The customers who throw their ticket into your face.
The Cash Flinger
The customers who fling their cash onto the counter.
The Pen Flinger
The customers who fling the pen onto the counter.
The Penny Hoarder
The customer who pays a ticket in the lowest possible coin bases. If there is a line of people behind you, I might make you start counting too. Or else, I might just take my time.
We also have a minor two dollar ticket. This is the least expensive of our citations. Customers are fond of filling the ticket envelope with pennies and leaving it at our counter. We don't care. Because we don't count it.
On the other hand, we like to void the first offense.
You will push your pennies towards me, and I will push them right back at you. I sincerely hope you didn't spend too much time collecting them.
The I-refuse-to-speak-or-look-at-you-and-I-will-somehow-make-the-atmosphere-cold-and-stifle-you
Don't worry. We get the hint. You won't talk, and we won't talk.
Love Notes
Little messages may be included on the memo line of a check. Sometimes, letters may be slipped into an envelope. They may be written on decent letter paper or a scrap may be torn out of a notebook. They may be decoratively designed, include several words that are not often used in public, or lament about their lack of luck.
We love you too. You brighten up our day.
Cards
We recently received a card which expressed regret for parking in the wrong place. There was an absolutely adorable dog on the front. We appreciate the effort, but the full payment will suffice. And, yet, we do appreciate the effort.
You approach the counter and heave a big sigh. Let the student assistant know you disagree with the citation. Let everyone in the office know you are paying it unwillingly. Let the whole world know how much you hate this place.
I have grown immune to the big sigh.
You will need to come up with a bigger sigh.
The Ticket Flinger
The customers who throw their ticket into your face.
The Cash Flinger
The customers who fling their cash onto the counter.
The Pen Flinger
The customers who fling the pen onto the counter.
The Penny Hoarder
The customer who pays a ticket in the lowest possible coin bases. If there is a line of people behind you, I might make you start counting too. Or else, I might just take my time.
We also have a minor two dollar ticket. This is the least expensive of our citations. Customers are fond of filling the ticket envelope with pennies and leaving it at our counter. We don't care. Because we don't count it.
On the other hand, we like to void the first offense.
You will push your pennies towards me, and I will push them right back at you. I sincerely hope you didn't spend too much time collecting them.
The I-refuse-to-speak-or-look-at-you-and-I-will-somehow-make-the-atmosphere-cold-and-stifle-you
Don't worry. We get the hint. You won't talk, and we won't talk.
Love Notes
Little messages may be included on the memo line of a check. Sometimes, letters may be slipped into an envelope. They may be written on decent letter paper or a scrap may be torn out of a notebook. They may be decoratively designed, include several words that are not often used in public, or lament about their lack of luck.
We love you too. You brighten up our day.
Cards
We recently received a card which expressed regret for parking in the wrong place. There was an absolutely adorable dog on the front. We appreciate the effort, but the full payment will suffice. And, yet, we do appreciate the effort.
Through Proxy
Though the offspring will disregard parking matters until the very last moment (usually the first day of school), the responsible parent will often call the office and inquire about the parking situation.
This includes parents of incoming freshman or transfer students.
Inquiring parents:
Situation Number One: a common scenario
"Can you tell me about the parking situation for incoming freshman? My daughter will be living in the dorms next year."
The call was received on a cold day in January, and permit allocations for the next year start in the summer.
"Well, we haven't really done anything for it yet. We receive a mailing list from Residence life, and then send information to all the students on that list."
"Okay. And what's the possibility that my daughter will get a good parking spot."
Well, I don't want to state the obvious, but..."You're daughter would most likely end up in a....uh...(scrambling for words)...less desirable lot."
Laughter.
It's always nice to hear laughter.
Situation Number Two
"So where can my son park with this permit?"
"Well, he can park in any of (these) lots. Do you know what dorm he's living in? Then I can point out the lot that's closest to that dorm."
"(said) dorm."
"Oh, then he can park in lot (number). That's the closest."
"How will he know where to find it?"
"It's right next to (blank) - the bar."
The father couldn't stop laughing for a whole minute.
"I'm sure he'll find it," I volunteered.
"I'm sure of that too."
Upset parents:
Situation One: a very common scenario
"My son has been at the school for a year. I don't understand why he has a remote lot permit for next year."
"Well, in order to automatically get a resident permit, we require that students have at least 30 credits. That's how we determine who's a sophomore and who's not."
"But he's already been there for an year. It's his second year, he's a sophomore."
"But he didn't have the required number of credits, and that's how he ended up with a remote lot permit."
Situation Two
This incident stuck in my mind because of a word that the parent used. No, it wasn't one of those words (though that's not uncommon around here), but it's because I've never heard it used in regard to the campus.
The parents had arrived to deposit their daughter at her new campus: this quaint university located in the middle of nowhere. It was the second semester, and we did not have any resident permits available.
The only thing we had was a remote lot permit - to a lot that's across the bridge.
The father arrived at the office, and he was upset when he heard the news but was not about to have a fit.
He called the mother to inform her of the situation. The mother was not pleased.
She called the office, and I answered the phone.
"-And I will not leave my daughter in this slum of a place without a proper parking spot!"
Slum?
Alright, it's quaint. And it's rural. And it's in the middle of nowhere. But I've never referred to it as slum. That's a low blow.
Oh, wait. I know. Did you watch Slumdog Millionaire? How was the movie?
Eventually, she demanded to speak to the Parking Manager.
After 10 minutes of arguing on the phone, she realized she wasn't going to win.
Ha ha! Score one for the slum!
Cargo Ships
Ah, cargo ships. When these massive objects approach the harbor, smaller ships and boats know that they have only a few seconds to clear off before being demolished by these approaching shadows.
When we see a cargo ship progress towards the office, we know it. Because we can see it. It's in their walk (a sure, steady walk that means business). It's in their face (an upset face which is pointed directly at our office). And it's in their smile (basically, they're not smiling).
I've mentioned before that I love angry customers, right? Well, let me say it again. I love angry customers.
I put down whatever it is I'm working on and approach the office counter, at the height of optimum customer service.
"Hello," I say, displaying my most brightest smile. I don't have to make an effort at smiling, I literally smile at the anticipation of the on brewing storm. "How can I help you?"
We can now divide their response into several categories.
First, there are the customers who will not bother waiting for my greeting. They will start and won't stop until they run out of steam.
Then, there are the customers who will start within a second of my question. They may build up their momentum, or blow up in a manner similar to a volcano.
Next, we have the ones who won't even bother with the bottom of the food chain. "Can I see your supervisor?" they ask in a cold voice.
"Right away."
We also have a special category called the deniers. These people will often deny or apologize for being caustic but will continue to be caustic. "Of course, I realize that you have to ticket and all, but blah blah. I understand it's your job, but blah blah."
Finally, we have the last category. These are the people who disappoint me the most, and, frankly, the ones that I hate. They will start off by being friendly. And then, they will blow up. What's the point? Choose just one or the other.
Puffer Fish
Initially, they will be very polite. And, then, through some unknown source, they will obtain just a whiff of courage. They will puff out their chest (yes, literally, I've seen it happen) and begin.
The Questionnaires
These people will question every statement that you make.
"Well, the problem is that you won't be able to park there."
"Oh, yeah? Where does it say that?"
"There's a sign at the entrance, and it's included under the Rules and Regulations section on the parking map."
"What sign? What rules and regulations? What parking map?"
This includes parents of incoming freshman or transfer students.
Inquiring parents:
Situation Number One: a common scenario
"Can you tell me about the parking situation for incoming freshman? My daughter will be living in the dorms next year."
The call was received on a cold day in January, and permit allocations for the next year start in the summer.
"Well, we haven't really done anything for it yet. We receive a mailing list from Residence life, and then send information to all the students on that list."
"Okay. And what's the possibility that my daughter will get a good parking spot."
Well, I don't want to state the obvious, but..."You're daughter would most likely end up in a....uh...(scrambling for words)...less desirable lot."
Laughter.
It's always nice to hear laughter.
Situation Number Two
"So where can my son park with this permit?"
"Well, he can park in any of (these) lots. Do you know what dorm he's living in? Then I can point out the lot that's closest to that dorm."
"(said) dorm."
"Oh, then he can park in lot (number). That's the closest."
"How will he know where to find it?"
"It's right next to (blank) - the bar."
The father couldn't stop laughing for a whole minute.
"I'm sure he'll find it," I volunteered.
"I'm sure of that too."
Upset parents:
Situation One: a very common scenario
"My son has been at the school for a year. I don't understand why he has a remote lot permit for next year."
"Well, in order to automatically get a resident permit, we require that students have at least 30 credits. That's how we determine who's a sophomore and who's not."
"But he's already been there for an year. It's his second year, he's a sophomore."
"But he didn't have the required number of credits, and that's how he ended up with a remote lot permit."
Situation Two
This incident stuck in my mind because of a word that the parent used. No, it wasn't one of those words (though that's not uncommon around here), but it's because I've never heard it used in regard to the campus.
The parents had arrived to deposit their daughter at her new campus: this quaint university located in the middle of nowhere. It was the second semester, and we did not have any resident permits available.
The only thing we had was a remote lot permit - to a lot that's across the bridge.
The father arrived at the office, and he was upset when he heard the news but was not about to have a fit.
He called the mother to inform her of the situation. The mother was not pleased.
She called the office, and I answered the phone.
"-And I will not leave my daughter in this slum of a place without a proper parking spot!"
Slum?
Alright, it's quaint. And it's rural. And it's in the middle of nowhere. But I've never referred to it as slum. That's a low blow.
Oh, wait. I know. Did you watch Slumdog Millionaire? How was the movie?
Eventually, she demanded to speak to the Parking Manager.
After 10 minutes of arguing on the phone, she realized she wasn't going to win.
Ha ha! Score one for the slum!
Cargo Ships
Ah, cargo ships. When these massive objects approach the harbor, smaller ships and boats know that they have only a few seconds to clear off before being demolished by these approaching shadows.
When we see a cargo ship progress towards the office, we know it. Because we can see it. It's in their walk (a sure, steady walk that means business). It's in their face (an upset face which is pointed directly at our office). And it's in their smile (basically, they're not smiling).
I've mentioned before that I love angry customers, right? Well, let me say it again. I love angry customers.
I put down whatever it is I'm working on and approach the office counter, at the height of optimum customer service.
"Hello," I say, displaying my most brightest smile. I don't have to make an effort at smiling, I literally smile at the anticipation of the on brewing storm. "How can I help you?"
We can now divide their response into several categories.
First, there are the customers who will not bother waiting for my greeting. They will start and won't stop until they run out of steam.
Then, there are the customers who will start within a second of my question. They may build up their momentum, or blow up in a manner similar to a volcano.
Next, we have the ones who won't even bother with the bottom of the food chain. "Can I see your supervisor?" they ask in a cold voice.
"Right away."
We also have a special category called the deniers. These people will often deny or apologize for being caustic but will continue to be caustic. "Of course, I realize that you have to ticket and all, but blah blah. I understand it's your job, but blah blah."
Finally, we have the last category. These are the people who disappoint me the most, and, frankly, the ones that I hate. They will start off by being friendly. And then, they will blow up. What's the point? Choose just one or the other.
Puffer Fish
Initially, they will be very polite. And, then, through some unknown source, they will obtain just a whiff of courage. They will puff out their chest (yes, literally, I've seen it happen) and begin.
The Questionnaires
These people will question every statement that you make.
"Well, the problem is that you won't be able to park there."
"Oh, yeah? Where does it say that?"
"There's a sign at the entrance, and it's included under the Rules and Regulations section on the parking map."
"What sign? What rules and regulations? What parking map?"
Friday, January 8, 2010
Tallies for the week of January 4, 2010 to January 8, 2010
Unruly customers: Two
One was upset because they needed to return their old permit to obtain the replacement.
“But it was destroyed.”
“But we need proof because we don’t believe you.”
I mean, you could give the old permit to someone else.
The other was upset because they got a ticket at nine in the morning, and, with every syllable, the volume increased.
“I can understand that you guys ticket, but I don’t see why I got this so early in the morning. My class isn’t until one. Why should I get up at nine to buy a parking permit? And you guys aren’t even open during the weekend. I brought my car up on Sunday afternoon, and I wasn’t getting up early to buy a permit.”
And on and on and on and on…
Friendly about it: One
“I’m giving you money, even if I don’t want to give you money.”
And we’ll gladly accept because we are a money-chasing, profit-mongering institution.
Interesting tidbits:
“I just got a parking ticket, and it’s a pretty hefty one too.”
Yeah, no kidding.
“I thought you guys don’t ticket during the winter vacation.”
We just like to prey on ignorant people.
Lost parking permits:
Four
Lost permits found again:
One
One was upset because they needed to return their old permit to obtain the replacement.
“But it was destroyed.”
“But we need proof because we don’t believe you.”
I mean, you could give the old permit to someone else.
The other was upset because they got a ticket at nine in the morning, and, with every syllable, the volume increased.
“I can understand that you guys ticket, but I don’t see why I got this so early in the morning. My class isn’t until one. Why should I get up at nine to buy a parking permit? And you guys aren’t even open during the weekend. I brought my car up on Sunday afternoon, and I wasn’t getting up early to buy a permit.”
And on and on and on and on…
Friendly about it: One
“I’m giving you money, even if I don’t want to give you money.”
And we’ll gladly accept because we are a money-chasing, profit-mongering institution.
Interesting tidbits:
“I just got a parking ticket, and it’s a pretty hefty one too.”
Yeah, no kidding.
“I thought you guys don’t ticket during the winter vacation.”
We just like to prey on ignorant people.
Lost parking permits:
Four
Lost permits found again:
One
Brilliant People
After finding a citation upon one’s own car, they gently remove the ticket and the accompanying envelope and place it on their neighbor’s car. They now assume the ticket is no longer their responsibility.
Why this doesn’t work:
When an officer writes a ticket, they include the license plates and a description. Or the vehicle identification number for those who drive around without their license plates.
Parking illegally and displaying an old citation you received, believing that we will be fooled by its presence.
Why this doesn’t work:
Our officers actually check previous citations to see WHEN they were issued. If they discover an old citation is masquerading on top of your windshield, they will still write out a citation for parking without a permit. Then, they will align the two envelopes to make it look as if only one ticket is there. Once you make your way into the parking lot, you will smile to yourself smugly, thinking the ruse worked. But when you approach the car and lift the ticket, you notice that it has increased in thickness.
Why this doesn’t work:
When an officer writes a ticket, they include the license plates and a description. Or the vehicle identification number for those who drive around without their license plates.
Parking illegally and displaying an old citation you received, believing that we will be fooled by its presence.
Why this doesn’t work:
Our officers actually check previous citations to see WHEN they were issued. If they discover an old citation is masquerading on top of your windshield, they will still write out a citation for parking without a permit. Then, they will align the two envelopes to make it look as if only one ticket is there. Once you make your way into the parking lot, you will smile to yourself smugly, thinking the ruse worked. But when you approach the car and lift the ticket, you notice that it has increased in thickness.
Meter Freaks
“I put fifty cents into the meter, and it didn’t register. I’d like my money back.”
(Blog-reader, these statements have been slightly edited to trim away the excess words.)
Politely: “We don’t issue refunds for meters because we aren’t able to tell who inserted how much and at what time.”
That person didn’t go away for five minutes.
It would have been a lot easier to pull out my purse, take out fifty cents, and just give it to you. Fifty cents in exchange for not listening to your banter is an extremely tempting offer. Then again, there are some who would take that in the wrong way and become even more verbal.
A phone call that happened before I began to work here:
“I inserted a dime into a meter, and it never registered. I’d like the refund mailed back.”
The caller lived in a far-off, even more rural town.
The Parking Services manager politely said. “We don’t issue refunds on meters.”
“I put in a dime, and I never got my money’s worth. I’d like a refund!”
This circular conversation continued for some time.
Finally, the Parking manager says. “Fine. If you mail me a letter with a SASE envelope, I’ll send the dime back.”
Let’s break this down by following the format of a Mastercard advertisement.
Two stamps: 88 cents
Envelopes: 2 cents (?)
Sheet of paper used to write the letter: 1 cent (?)
Ink: 2 cents (?)
Time spent: 10 minutes (not including the phone call)
Net loss: 83 cents
What I would’ve given to see the look on the caller’s face: Priceless
(Blog-reader, these statements have been slightly edited to trim away the excess words.)
Politely: “We don’t issue refunds for meters because we aren’t able to tell who inserted how much and at what time.”
That person didn’t go away for five minutes.
It would have been a lot easier to pull out my purse, take out fifty cents, and just give it to you. Fifty cents in exchange for not listening to your banter is an extremely tempting offer. Then again, there are some who would take that in the wrong way and become even more verbal.
A phone call that happened before I began to work here:
“I inserted a dime into a meter, and it never registered. I’d like the refund mailed back.”
The caller lived in a far-off, even more rural town.
The Parking Services manager politely said. “We don’t issue refunds on meters.”
“I put in a dime, and I never got my money’s worth. I’d like a refund!”
This circular conversation continued for some time.
Finally, the Parking manager says. “Fine. If you mail me a letter with a SASE envelope, I’ll send the dime back.”
Let’s break this down by following the format of a Mastercard advertisement.
Two stamps: 88 cents
Envelopes: 2 cents (?)
Sheet of paper used to write the letter: 1 cent (?)
Ink: 2 cents (?)
Time spent: 10 minutes (not including the phone call)
Net loss: 83 cents
What I would’ve given to see the look on the caller’s face: Priceless
This was written on a permit application card:
Type of vehicle: Honka
Notice the ‘k.’ Blog-reader, you may shrug it off and say it was a slip of the hand. The writer was intending to write a ‘d,’ but the pen must have malfunctioned and produced a ‘k.’ No. It was there in plain English. There was a vertical line extending downwards. A branch emerged from that vertical line at a forty-five degree angle, and another downward branch extended out of the first branch. It was a ‘k.’ Believe me, it was a ‘k.’
A hunk of honka.
Notice the ‘k.’ Blog-reader, you may shrug it off and say it was a slip of the hand. The writer was intending to write a ‘d,’ but the pen must have malfunctioned and produced a ‘k.’ No. It was there in plain English. There was a vertical line extending downwards. A branch emerged from that vertical line at a forty-five degree angle, and another downward branch extended out of the first branch. It was a ‘k.’ Believe me, it was a ‘k.’
A hunk of honka.
More Customer Questions
“This is Parking Services. How can I help you?”
“This was the only campus number that I could find.”
Okay. So, let me get this straight. Out of the entire campus directory, out of the entire campus website, this was the ONLY number that you could find?
“And I was wondering if you could give me the phone number for (blank) department?”
Aren’t we being a tad bit lazy? It would take you less than two seconds to search for the department webpage and extract their phone number. We do not deal with information services. We deal with parking, ticketing, and issuing permits.
Offices that are usually asked for: Academic Advising, Cashiers Department, Financial Aid Office, University Dining.
Oh, and Office of International Education. I got this one once.
“Could give me information on (blank) major?”
You do realize you were greeted with the message ‘This is Parking Services.’
“Do you know anything about (blank event) going on campus?”
Oh, we have something like that? That’s news to me too.
More obscure questions:
“I heard you are selling fleet vehicles. Where do I find more about this?”
This one staggered me for one moment.
It wasn’t just the question. It was because the guy on the other end had an Australian accent. And it wasn’t just the accent. It made me think a guy from Australia was trying to buy used vehicles from this little old university that’s located in the middle of nowhere. He was actually from a large city in the next state.
Then I had to search for that obscure little department which deals with state vehicles. They were located as a sub-department under Campus Services. Oh, gee, I knew that.
“This was the only campus number that I could find.”
Okay. So, let me get this straight. Out of the entire campus directory, out of the entire campus website, this was the ONLY number that you could find?
“And I was wondering if you could give me the phone number for (blank) department?”
Aren’t we being a tad bit lazy? It would take you less than two seconds to search for the department webpage and extract their phone number. We do not deal with information services. We deal with parking, ticketing, and issuing permits.
Offices that are usually asked for: Academic Advising, Cashiers Department, Financial Aid Office, University Dining.
Oh, and Office of International Education. I got this one once.
“Could give me information on (blank) major?”
You do realize you were greeted with the message ‘This is Parking Services.’
“Do you know anything about (blank event) going on campus?”
Oh, we have something like that? That’s news to me too.
More obscure questions:
“I heard you are selling fleet vehicles. Where do I find more about this?”
This one staggered me for one moment.
It wasn’t just the question. It was because the guy on the other end had an Australian accent. And it wasn’t just the accent. It made me think a guy from Australia was trying to buy used vehicles from this little old university that’s located in the middle of nowhere. He was actually from a large city in the next state.
Then I had to search for that obscure little department which deals with state vehicles. They were located as a sub-department under Campus Services. Oh, gee, I knew that.
Issuing Citations (or Tickets)
A citation is issued using a handheld computer. The ticket is printed, and slipped into an envelope. The citation will include details about late fees. It will also explain the appeals process. The envelope has a pre-written address (to Parking Services) but does not include postage.
How the Position of Campus Shuttle Driver Came to be
The Campus Shuttle Driver is a new position.
Let me tell you the story of how it came to be.
Just a quick note: the university is located next to a river.
And now, I will continue with the story.
In order to meet their ambitious plans for expanding the campus, the university decided that a new academic building is needed. And not just any old academic building, a LEED certified academic building.
A site was selected, and the old building on that site was demolished. The building housed Facilities Management. This presented a problem. Now that the office space for Facilities Management was taken away, where should they move the department to? They moved it to an abandoned building across the river. To the boonies. A building that was essential for campus activity. To the boonies. Now if an employee forgets the keys to an office, finds themselves locked out of a building, well, gee, someone will need to trot all the way across the bridge and take care of the problem.
Naturally, this raised a lot of protest. WALK ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE BRIDGE? Nope. Not doing that.
In order to calm the angry crowds, the university decided to introduce a shuttle that commuted between this new building and the rest of the campus community.
So, what department would be the most suitable for this task?
Parking.
No, we deal with stationary vehicles, not moving vehicles.
And, yet, you deal with vehicles. The objects of your primary concern have four wheels, four doors, and a steering wheel. They may be stationary for the moment, but they have the ability to move at some point. Do you see some correlation between this and the shuttle?Therefore, the responsibility of the shuttle, including customer complaints regarding it, will be assigned to you.
Let me tell you the story of how it came to be.
Just a quick note: the university is located next to a river.
And now, I will continue with the story.
In order to meet their ambitious plans for expanding the campus, the university decided that a new academic building is needed. And not just any old academic building, a LEED certified academic building.
A site was selected, and the old building on that site was demolished. The building housed Facilities Management. This presented a problem. Now that the office space for Facilities Management was taken away, where should they move the department to? They moved it to an abandoned building across the river. To the boonies. A building that was essential for campus activity. To the boonies. Now if an employee forgets the keys to an office, finds themselves locked out of a building, well, gee, someone will need to trot all the way across the bridge and take care of the problem.
Naturally, this raised a lot of protest. WALK ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE BRIDGE? Nope. Not doing that.
In order to calm the angry crowds, the university decided to introduce a shuttle that commuted between this new building and the rest of the campus community.
So, what department would be the most suitable for this task?
Parking.
No, we deal with stationary vehicles, not moving vehicles.
And, yet, you deal with vehicles. The objects of your primary concern have four wheels, four doors, and a steering wheel. They may be stationary for the moment, but they have the ability to move at some point. Do you see some correlation between this and the shuttle?Therefore, the responsibility of the shuttle, including customer complaints regarding it, will be assigned to you.
A Description of the Employees
On the management side:
Parking Director
Parking Manager
Supervisor
Student Assistants
On the enforcement side:
Two Parking Officers
Campus Shuttle Driver
Student Officers
A Limited Time Employee (LTE) may be hired at busy points during a semester. Usually for the first few weeks of each semester.
And that is how they will be referred to.
A Description of the Setting
The office is located in a building at the very edge of the campus. Often times when customers call to buy a permit, they complain about the distance, especially if their office is located on the other side of campus. If the weather is warm and sunny, we offer no sympathy. If there is a blizzard in the making, yes, we pause a moment to express our condolences and lament about the inconveniences this may have caused them. “But, really,” we say. “It’s not our fault. We were actually asked to move from the main administrative building so that another lesser known office could obtain the premises.” That was more than ten years ago. To date, no office has moved into the vacated premises.
The building has a very unusual name. I never gave it much thought until a customer wanted to know where the name originated from. I had no idea. And neither does anyone else.
Parking Services is located in the basement. This clearly shows that people hate us! But it’s alright. We are never tempted by the beckoning sunshine during summer days.
Next to our office is Dining Services. Past Dining Services, a set of double doors lead to the kitchens. During the eight hour day, we are often assaulted with the smell of good food. Especially baked bread. And brownies.
The office is divided into two sections, parking management and parking enforcement. The two sections are separated by a common area. The common area consists of a couch, love seat, and a coffee table. The temperature inside the management office is akin to Siberia. The temperature inside the enforcement office is similar to a humid Sahara. We know we will never understand the mechanism behind temperature control, especially not in this building.
The building has a very unusual name. I never gave it much thought until a customer wanted to know where the name originated from. I had no idea. And neither does anyone else.
Parking Services is located in the basement. This clearly shows that people hate us! But it’s alright. We are never tempted by the beckoning sunshine during summer days.
Next to our office is Dining Services. Past Dining Services, a set of double doors lead to the kitchens. During the eight hour day, we are often assaulted with the smell of good food. Especially baked bread. And brownies.
The office is divided into two sections, parking management and parking enforcement. The two sections are separated by a common area. The common area consists of a couch, love seat, and a coffee table. The temperature inside the management office is akin to Siberia. The temperature inside the enforcement office is similar to a humid Sahara. We know we will never understand the mechanism behind temperature control, especially not in this building.
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