Through Proxy

Though the offspring will disregard parking matters until the very last moment (usually the first day of school), the responsible parent will often call the office and inquire about the parking situation.

This includes parents of incoming freshman or transfer students.


Inquiring parents:

Situation Number One: a common scenario

"Can you tell me about the parking situation for incoming freshman? My daughter will be living in the dorms next year."

The call was received on a cold day in January, and permit allocations for the next year start in the summer.

"Well, we haven't really done anything for it yet. We receive a mailing list from Residence life, and then send information to all the students on that list."

"Okay. And what's the possibility that my daughter will get a good parking spot."

Well, I don't want to state the obvious, but..."You're daughter would most likely end up in a....uh...(scrambling for words)...less desirable lot."

Laughter.

It's always nice to hear laughter.


Situation Number Two

"So where can my son park with this permit?"

"Well, he can park in any of (these) lots. Do you know what dorm he's living in? Then I can point out the lot that's closest to that dorm."

"(said) dorm."

"Oh, then he can park in lot (number). That's the closest."

"How will he know where to find it?"

"It's right next to (blank) - the bar."

The father couldn't stop laughing for a whole minute.

"I'm sure he'll find it," I volunteered.

"I'm sure of that too."


Upset parents:

Situation One: a very common scenario

"My son has been at the school for a year. I don't understand why he has a remote lot permit for next year."

"Well, in order to automatically get a resident permit, we require that students have at least 30 credits. That's how we determine who's a sophomore and who's not."

"But he's already been there for an year. It's his second year, he's a sophomore."

"But he didn't have the required number of credits, and that's how he ended up with a remote lot permit."


Situation Two

This incident stuck in my mind because of a word that the parent used. No, it wasn't one of those words (though that's not uncommon around here), but it's because I've never heard it used in regard to the campus.

The parents had arrived to deposit their daughter at her new campus: this quaint university located in the middle of nowhere. It was the second semester, and we did not have any resident permits available.

The only thing we had was a remote lot permit - to a lot that's across the bridge.

The father arrived at the office, and he was upset when he heard the news but was not about to have a fit.

He called the mother to inform her of the situation. The mother was not pleased.

She called the office, and I answered the phone.

"-And I will not leave my daughter in this slum of a place without a proper parking spot!"

Slum?

Alright, it's quaint. And it's rural. And it's in the middle of nowhere. But I've never referred to it as slum. That's a low blow.

Oh, wait. I know. Did you watch Slumdog Millionaire? How was the movie?

Eventually, she demanded to speak to the Parking Manager.

After 10 minutes of arguing on the phone, she realized she wasn't going to win.

Ha ha! Score one for the slum!


Cargo Ships

Ah, cargo ships. When these massive objects approach the harbor, smaller ships and boats know that they have only a few seconds to clear off before being demolished by these approaching shadows.

When we see a cargo ship progress towards the office, we know it. Because we can see it. It's in their walk (a sure, steady walk that means business). It's in their face (an upset face which is pointed directly at our office). And it's in their smile (basically, they're not smiling).

I've mentioned before that I love angry customers, right? Well, let me say it again. I love angry customers.

I put down whatever it is I'm working on and approach the office counter, at the height of optimum customer service.

"Hello," I say, displaying my most brightest smile. I don't have to make an effort at smiling, I literally smile at the anticipation of the on brewing storm. "How can I help you?"

We can now divide their response into several categories.

First, there are the customers who will not bother waiting for my greeting. They will start and won't stop until they run out of steam.

Then, there are the customers who will start within a second of my question. They may build up their momentum, or blow up in a manner similar to a volcano.

Next, we have the ones who won't even bother with the bottom of the food chain. "Can I see your supervisor?" they ask in a cold voice.
"Right away."

We also have a special category called the deniers. These people will often deny or apologize for being caustic but will continue to be caustic. "Of course, I realize that you have to ticket and all, but blah blah. I understand it's your job, but blah blah."

Finally, we have the last category. These are the people who disappoint me the most, and, frankly, the ones that I hate. They will start off by being friendly. And then, they will blow up. What's the point? Choose just one or the other.


Puffer Fish

Initially, they will be very polite. And, then, through some unknown source, they will obtain just a whiff of courage. They will puff out their chest (yes, literally, I've seen it happen) and begin.


The Questionnaires

These people will question every statement that you make.

"Well, the problem is that you won't be able to park there."

"Oh, yeah? Where does it say that?"

"There's a sign at the entrance, and it's included under the Rules and Regulations section on the parking map."

"What sign? What rules and regulations? What parking map?"